Sunday, August 01, 2004

Now what?

Is anyone else a basket of nerves? We leave in 3 days and I can't shake the feeling of inadequacy, doubt and fear. The unknown. Trusting God for things that are out of our control. Leaving Lukas here. Everything all at once.
This morning I just started crying when Channa was singing "I need you now". That is the desperation cry that saves us, and the attitude that must go with us as we are serving God. Just thinking of the amazing journey she, and all of us, have been on to get to this point, and how it's really just the beginning.

What to do now but pack and wait? This picture sums up how I'm feeling

Ever get that feeling before a big game? A speech? More than butterflies. You'd swear there was a bowling ball in your stomach. Last time I got it was before i spoke at camp in PEI. Not knowing what to expect. Nothing to depend on except God, which is the scariest and safest feeling on earth. "Lord save me".

The only comfort is that this may be the exact feeling Paul had before visiting the Corinthians. He writes:

1 Corinthians 2:1-5
"1Dear brothers and sisters,[1] when I first came to you I didn't use lofty words and brilliant ideas to tell you God's message.[2] 2For I decided to concentrate only on Jesus Christ and his death on the cross. 3I came to you in weakness--timid and trembling. 4And my message and my preaching were very plain. I did not use wise and persuasive speeches, but the Holy Spirit was powerful among you. 5I did this so that you might trust the power of God rather than human wisdom."

Nothing special about him or his message. He was terrified as he explained the gospel to them, and simply trusted God for the results.

That is why I keep coming back to Greece. From my experience, the group at HM understands this. They aren't perfect and polished. They aren't very organized. They often times drive you crazy, but behind it all is this fundamental principle of missions: If it's gonna happen, God will make it happen, not me.

Anyone know what I'm talking about?

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